Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Is it wise to SECRETLY expose a narcissist by telling others that he/she is a covert narcissist?

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

Bill Oram: Seriously, who is going to beat the Beavers? - OregonLive.com

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I’m a 25 year old teacher teaching at boys school & I have colleagues younger than me. I caught one of my students telling her he wanted her as his teacher instead & it hurt my feelings. They compliment her a lot. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Legion of 50 strong as Seahawks reveal Top 50 players in franchise history - Field Gulls

I can read

I can count

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Steelers Address Mason Rudolph Trump Rally Appearance In Email To Fans - TMZ

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why do some people enjoy being dominated?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

I see through liars

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I actually pay taxes

Why does a narcissist act like it's nothing when they hurt you?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

What do you do when your family doesn’t care about you?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I have an acute aversion to scumbags